From 1000 B.C.
Goliath of Gath,
6 feet under the ground,
Country of the Philistines.
Anywhere in the world.
Dear future Goliaths,
This is the story of my short life. One day I was minding my own
business when I got a special invitation from none other than His
Majesty, King of Gath. He invited me to be part of a special
operation. He wanted me to accompany his army to a battle against
the Israelites, our supercilious neighbours. The king probably
thought that with my size there would be no battle at all and that
Israelites would run and hide in their dens. Then all we needed to
do was scoop the spoil.
You should have seen the grandeur of our army. The banners waving,
the trumpets sounding, the thud thud of marching feet…. I too
marched along, the entire village looking at me. You see I just so
happened to dress like a metal ninja. I had these weapons
specially ordered from Ashkelon. The spearhead alone had to be
carried in a wagon because it was too heavy for the people to
carry it. My armour made a clingy clangy sound as I marched. You
should have seen the creatures scurrying here and there.
We got there just in time to face those pesky Israelites. Me and
my lads camped on one hill only to find Saul herding his boys on
the other one. I thought it would be fun to have Saul come down
here for a duel. I could have flattened him like a bread. I made
the announcement loud and clear and I waited and waited and
waited…. Do you know for how long? For 40 solid whole days.
I think they hurriedly scrolled through my facelook. My enormosity
had scared them and they scuttled back like chickens and hid
behind everything and anything they found. I thought they gave up.
Guess what? After 40 days His Majesty King Saul brought a wee boy
and said that he was going to fight me. I heard that the boy was a
shepherd. Can you imagine this undersized boy challenging me?
Do you know what the most absurd part was? The boy had brought some sticks and stones to fend me away. He even mumbled something
about his great God, Jehovah who was going to protect him. I
stood there dazed, I did not want to lose my honour fighting this
minion. I heard that his name was David ben Jesse. I told the
little brat to step aside and let a real man come and fight me.
But he wouldn’t budge.
I told my sidekick carrying my armour to get everything ready.
That was the day for my name to go down in history as ‘Goliath
the Greatest’. I stood there pitying that little kid and
pondering my next move when that little imp sent something
flying. I thought it was His Majesty Saul’s signet ring being
sent as a surrender signal. I wish it really was. Splat! I felt
something enter my brain and come out through my skull. It was a
moss covered, stinky stone. Thus ended my existence…. My
existence as a champion, warrior, giant. Me becoming a
thingamajig. My god Dagon failed me!
That son of Jesse could have left me alone at least after he
ended my existence. He had to carry my head around his town.
Their townswomen were exuberant and started to sing “Saul has
killed his thousands and David his tens of thousands,” mildly
infuriating their master Saul. All the while….my poor head being
paraded. It took quite a number of my comrades to carry my body
back to my village.
I had to find out about this boy who dared to challenge me and
utterly obliterate me. Of course I did not have any other thing
to do to kill my time in the grave. It turns out this shepherd
boy, David ben Jesse worships a very big and mighty God. This God
even cares about little shepherd boys who worship him. He had
given them a special book called a “Law book”. Anyone who reads
it would become fearless and successful. My god Dagon never did
anything like that, even when we bow and cut and cry before him.
My strength and power did not have a chance before this Jehovah
God. I learnt it in a horrible way!
Hence I write this letter to all the future Goliaths not to be
like me and face the same end as me!
Of course there are other bravest things you could do like reuniting my body with my head!
Joan Shekina Justin