His jokes are cynical, full of satire and sarcasm and that's what makes it good. Not because they try to say something funny. Those were dudes? Privacy Policy We walk up to this booth that only sells dildos. You and her were standing in the kitchen and looked at that lime. She goes, Look, its just on the wrong channel. Click. If you can beat me at darts, you can take me to fucking jail, how about that? I have no idea what color my asshole is. You got to unwrap a few to get the one youre looking for in a sight unseen situation. You cant fix stupid. Te gust Big Jay Oakerson: DOG BELLY ?, descubre pelculas del mismo gnero y temticas, pelculas como Dave Chappelle: 8:46, Mike Epps: Indiana Mike, Kyle Kinane: Trampoline In A Ditch, Rose Matafeo: Horndog, Ron White: If You Quit Listening, I'll Shut Up,. By continuing, you agree to the Privacy Policy and Turns out its a solid one. #Comics #Comedy #Jokes #Reaction #RonWhite #HappyNewYear #2021Copyright Disclaimer under section 107 of the Copyright Act of 1976, allowance is made for fair use for purposes such as criticism, comment, news reporting, teaching, scholarship, education and research.Fair use is a use permitted by copyright statute that might otherwise be infringing. All right, yall shut up. When she looks the other way, I just grab it. Thats why. Is that Glen Campbell or Nick Nolte? The other day I was watching Tarzan, the new Tarzan movie. I understand how unnecessary that was. I can put my car in drive and roll over your ass. Theyre watchdogs. Ron White has his unique way to bring his jokes, with his heavy voice abused from years of cigars and alcohol he gets your immediate attention. A broom handle, a pool cue, a fucking plunger. Gag, woman, gag. Im not doing that either. What is the Spanish language plot outline for Ron White: If You Quit Listening, I'll Shut Up (2018)? Theyre gonna know Im a fucking bed-wetter. And not because if somebody was breaking into our house, they would make a bunch of noise and scare those people away, because you couldnt possibly wake them up. I just never have. A Tourists Guide to Love Filming Locations: Where Was the Rachael Leigh Cook Movie Filmed? I just grabbed my big black dick and left. When my dog gets out of the yard, gets in the street, hes like, Oh fuck! Big old round uns, big old muumuu and 400-plus, great big old big uns. Thats not a sobriety test. [inaudible] I want to start off this evening by telling you something about me you may not know. I dont know if it just looks tired or sad, or worried about something it cant do anything about. Unless one of them wet the bed. And as a 12-year-old, I make a conscious decision to piss on my friend to make me look better. That aint even kind of drunk. lindsey? Go see what it is. Wake up those fucking dogs you bought. Okay, heres mine: Just lunch, and a blowjob. I know theyre perfectly content to live the way they do. Id have said, Aint nobody gonna pay to watch fat midgets fuck fat midgets. Bullshit, theres a sequel. I have sleep apnea, which keeps my wife awake. I hope you guys enjoyed it. Okay. I do. Fuck, dude. And he had bunk beds in his room, and Joe Paines on the top bed, Danny Davis is on the lower bed, and Im on a sleeping bag on the floor, and I wet the fucking bed, and Im, like, mortified. And Danny wakes up and he goes, I had a dream. password | 846 views, 6 likes, 0 loves, 0 comments, 1 shares, Facebook Watch Videos from The Power Trip: Lil' B and Meatsauce take on Justin Gaard and. And I was so goddamn mad. Fuck, I dont know. [mooing] Welcome to our giant all-you-can-eat food trough. And we should be afraid of geese too, and Ill tell you why. Im ready. Well, I would marry ya, but I cant! Im sure youre grateful. Now, I wont drive drunk, but I will ride with somebody that cant blow a .08 and not fucking know it. Ron Tater Salad White dishes out his signature brand of cynicism, riffing on sex, celebrity and the sinister habits of wild geese. White, I smell alcohol on your breath. I said, Thats been there since 77, dude. You pour that much Scotch on a tongue, its gonna smell like Scotch forever. Maybe a salad and a sandwich. Coming Soon. Um, Im from a very, very small dusty town in northwest Texas, and I grew up in this little bitty house that was built by my father and my grandfather the year I was born, 1956. Well, Ive been here, but Ive never been here, and if I only Dead. Dont you fucking do it. And he fucking did it! You cant fix stupid. [cheering] So I decide, Well, Ill just do it myself, so I rummage around in the dark, find some lotion, cut to the next morning. Starring: Ron White Watch all you want. Or any. Baby goose pussy lips makes wagyu beef taste like boot leather. Do you have any advice, Mr. White? Now, Id just got off the ugliest phone call Ive ever had with my wife, and it was about that house, and part of that house was gonna be a rehearsal space for her band, and while I was shooting a pilot in Vancouver, it turned into a 24-track recording studio. That aint drunk at all. Ron White: If You Quit Listening, I'll Shut Up 2018 | Maturity Rating: 16+ | 1h 3m | Stand-Up Comedy Ron "Tater Salad" White dishes out his signature brand of cynicism, riffing on sex, celebrity and the sinister habits of wild geese. Get the freshest reviews, news, and more delivered right to your inbox! Because the most jacked-up cooch Ive ever seen in my life is way better looking than my ball sack. She brings these dogs home, and Im like, What the fuck? And she goes, Theyre watchdogs, Im like, What are they gonna watch? Theyre not. Thats the whole plan. White I was always going to tell you if I ever met you that when my father was alive, you were his favorite comedian by far. I said, Thank you very much for telling me that, man. Cats die when they touch the road. Im not trying to be an asshole, and I go, Really? [laughing] Seems like Id have something else to say after that. Ron White: If You Quit Listening, I'll Shut Up. In a dystopian future devastated by air pollution, the survival of humanity depends on the Black Knights and theyre far from your average deliverymen. And you know why theyre having so much fun? So when Bill gets finished, he comes down and does a set with us and when we get done with our shows, Bill and Jeff wanna go drinking and gambling, and I want to go to a prayer meeting and a poetry reading that Id heard about. Shut up, youre supposed to shut up. Marvel Movies Ranked Worst to Best by Tomatometer, Jurassic Park Movies Ranked By Tomatometer, RT25: Celebrating 25 Years of Rotten Tomatoes, Weekend Box Office Results: Super Mario Joins the Billion-Dollar Club. This is how the conversation ended. Get in the car. Nobody in this fucking room would do it. He didnt say that. Geese arent natural. And I get up there and the cop goes, Mr. I know this. In the wake of her prom scandal, Princess Margrethe longs for normalcy as she struggles to maintain her perfect facade while dealing with family drama. Go behind the scenes of Netflix TV shows and movies, see what's coming soon and watch bonus videos on, Ron White: If You Quit Listening, I'll Shut Up (Teaser), Ron White: If You Quit Listening, I'll Shut Up (Trailer). Is she there? [inaudible] [shouting] Whats it look like now? And that was the first timeall three of us had our names on big signs in Vegas, and we went outside to look at it, and I was like, Fuck, now what? And I was there with a woman I couldnt stand eventually. [distorted] Wagyu beef taste like boot leather. No other animal crosses the road with this kind of fucking poise. Trying to make this funny, sell some comedy tickets in a land where you dont play my shit. [snorting] I dont, really Ive got tons of gay friends, most of em male dancers from fucking Vegas, and theyre like, We want to get married too. Im like, Youre going to fucking hate it, but, I think the Supreme Court fucked up the best thing about being gay. Get some Brylcreem and some dippity-do and a hair dryer. Drunk driving. It was juvenated, it became un-juvenated, it needs to be rejuvenated. In the wake of her prom scandal, Princess Margrethe longs for normalcy as she struggles to maintain her perfect facade while dealing with family drama. Im all over it, dude. our special coverage of the white house correspondents dinner starts right now neck . Now I dont know if they have a color in mind when they start, or if you just bleach it and get whatever the fuck you get. Golden Corral? Im like, Youre wasting our money on this stuff? But I got used to it after a while. You know what a fair drunk driving test is? One anything has the potential to become a DUI checkpoint if you crash your car into it. Im the reluctant watchdog. And I would never go spend the night at anybodys house, cause I knew Id wet the bed and theyd find out I was a bed-wetter, and so far nobody really knew but my mom and my dad, and it was just my biggest secret. I wouldnt and Ill tell you why. Ron White: If You Quit Listening, I'll Shut Up 2018 | Maturity Rating: TV-MA | 1h 3m | Stand-Up Comedy Ron "Tater Salad" White dishes out his signature brand of cynicism, riffing on sex, celebrity and the sinister habits of wild geese. Remove Ads Cast Crew Details Genres Cast Ron White 63 mins More at IMDb TMDb Sign in to log, rate or review Share Ratings 1 fan 3.3 I wake up the next morning with this shit hangover, and shes already making coffee, and I wake up and she goes, Whats wrong with your hand? My hand is dark orange. 'Succession' Season 4 Finale Date: When Is the Last Episode? Ron White: If You Quit Listening, I'll Shut Up subtitles | 27 subtitles RT25: Celebrating 25 years of Rotten Tomatoes. It's Me, Margaret' Streaming on HBO Max or Netflix? I dont know. And I dont need a new mugshot cause my last one was so good. Rejuvenate your vagina. You ever seen a dead goose anywhere in your goddamn life? Your Ticket Confirmation # is located under the header in your email that reads "Your Ticket Reservation Details". Thats delicious. This happened last Wednesday at The Comedy Store in LA. I said, I ordered a movie, it said, Please enjoy your feature film, but nothing came on the TV. She goes, Ill send somebody over from Maintenance, Im like Knock on the door, its a chick from Maintenance. Theyre not natural. And I know some guys that have had one homosexual experience or two or 10,000, doesnt make a fuck bit of difference to me. There were porno movies everywhere, but the porno movie that caught my eye was called Fat Midgets Fucking Fat Midgets Two. Terms and Policies If You Quit Listening I'll Shut Up opens with soundbites from White's previous specials, then we see him onstage, in a crisp suit, revealing to his fans how fame and fortune has changed. Thanks for playing along. Looks like hes trying to get the taste out of his mouth. All rights reserved. RON WHITE: IF YOU QUIT LISTENING, I'LL SHUT UP (2018) - FULL TRANSCRIPT October 19, 2018 Ron "Tater Salad" White dishes out his signature brand of cynicism, riffing on sex, celebrity and the sinister habits of wild geese. Hes lucky I dont know where hes buried. In this hour, White regales his audience with anecdotes about a young fan approaching him at The Comedy Store in Los Angeles, about how he lost his virginity at 18 over and over again to prostitutes, his offbeat presidential ambitions, and even how he tried to overcome his anxiety with bedwetting as a child. Ladies, if you dont like the way the cooch is looking, before you go do something that extreme, try this. The motherfucker! Go behind the scenes of Netflix TV shows and movies, see what's coming soon and watch bonus videos on, Ron White: If You Quit Listening, I'll Shut Up (Teaser), Ron White: If You Quit Listening, I'll Shut Up (Trailer). Sorry. If you tilt that a little bit, you can get it through that door. And when I was in Edinburgh, I realized that the Scots made me laugh harder than anybody. 'Citadel' Episode Guide: When Do New Episodes Premiere on Prime Video? 1,802, This story has been shared 1,410 times. And theres never anybody there. By opting to have your ticket verified for this movie, you are allowing us to check the email address associated with your Rotten Tomatoes account against an email address associated with a Fandango ticket purchase for the same movie. Jesus. But they keep hounding me till I say, Yeah, fuck it, lets go. But I didnt want her to go. Filming Locations for the Disney+ Movie, Alexander Molony Is the Perfect Blend of Charming and Naive in Disney+s Peter Pan & Wendy, What Does "Doderick Macht Frei" on 'Succession' Mean? And I am an idea man, too. You fucking idiot. A goose is the only animal on the planet could take a jetliner out of the fucking sky and make it land on the Hudson River. And it really reminded Jeff and I of how much fun we have on stage together and how much we like to play off each other. He always believed in my talent, but not my work ethic. My doctor the other day said, Ron, you cannot gain any more weight, and I said, Thats what I thought. My wifes on my ass about me taking better care of myself. Ron White: If You Quit Listening, I'll Shut Up 2018 | Maturity Rating: TV-MA | 1h 3m | Stand-Up Comedy Ron "Tater Salad" White dishes out his signature brand of cynicism, riffing on sex, celebrity and the sinister habits of wild geese. Three weeks ago, my wife and I went to New York City, and we went to a gay wedding, and it was a man marrying a woman, [laughing] but it was the gayest fucking thing Ive ever seen. Youd think you can tell a mans mouth from a womans mouth, but you cannot. I got like 20 tweets from one guy, going, My wifes pussy was burning like No, you didnt. I could piss like a fucking fire hydrant. This is my new idea. Starring:Ron White Watch all you want. And it turns out I had no problem with it at all. [audience whooping] Looked like somebody had stretched a Looked like somebody had stretched a rubber band over a gigantic head of cauliflower. And I did these shows in London, and they dont play my stuff on television in London. And it was his goal for a lot of years to make me a famous comedian, and he truly sucks at it, cause it took him for fuckin ever. I fucking hate geese. Squirrels. [sobbing] I had nightmares about it my entire goddamn childhood. Im a 61-year-old raging alcoholic, motherfucker. Or thats what it said in the deposition. You dont have to kill the baby duck to get the pussy lips off of it. That guy cant drive my fucking car. Ron White: If You Quit Listening, I'll Shut Up 2018 | Maturity Rating: 18+ | 1h 3m | Stand-Up Comedy Ron "Tater Salad" White dishes out his signature brand of cynicism, riffing on sex, celebrity and the sinister habits of wild geese. Nobody wants to talk about it but me. It seemed like they would give you a sack or something. I just like to see it. And I was watching that movie The Help, and Im like, I know hes not a young negro woman, but if he just had on an apron and no shirt I consider myself a gold star heterosexual. Thats all Im saying. Downloads only available on ad-free plans. And as you approach these toilets, the lid of the toilet automatically opens. Im not busting on women from the Middle East. And we go out that night, it was one of the funnest nights of my life, uh We had been friends for ten years, so we were young comics together, and thats whatwe used to talk about as young comics. Your email address will not be published. Whats he doing? 2021 Scraps from the Loft. Copyright Fandango. No. All right. .08 is a revenue stream for the federal fucking government, is what .08 is. Fuck. Is 'Are You There God? Not plump girls, not fat girls. Where is Ron White: If You Quit Listening, I'll Shut Up streaming? Thats what kind of person I am right there, 12 years old. Follow officers from a South Carolina sheriffs department as they urgently search for individuals who've disappeared under troubling circumstances. And traditionally in American comedy clubs, theres three acts. 41,150, This story has been shared 20,592 times. Hes a more believably real-life incarnation of The Beverly Hillbillies, growing up poor in dusty, rural Texas, only to strike it rich in comedy, and move in with his newest wife into a home theyve built in Beverly Hills. Verified reviews are considered more trustworthy by fellow moviegoers. A young man's trip to attend a funeral and a wedding on the same day leads to a journey of self-discovery when he's captivated by a chance encounter. Nobody gives a shit. No, no, White proudly proclaims on his fifth stand-up comedy special, and first for Netflix, that at 61, hes a raging alcoholic.. But when somebody breaks into our house now, they discover that all of our things have been chewed up and pissed on. Ron White..Spa Day..If You Quit Listening, I'll Shut up..Reaction!! He also tweets@thecomicscomicand podcasts half-hour episodes with comedians revealing origin stories:The Comics Comic Presents Last Things First. And Im driving, and I look ahead, and theres a sobriety checkpoint and Im like Fuck Which is what you say when you see a sobriety checkpoint. And I was about 12 years old and I had gone three months without wetting the bed. And I dont know why, cause they used to sell duck tacos, nobody gave a shit. How much is the personal massager shaped like a big black cock? Young Queen Charlotte's marriage to King George of England sparks an epic love story and transforms high society in this "Bridgerton" universe prequel. Thank you very much. [whooping] Um The other day, um Jeff Jeff Foxworthy and I were Jeff has a special on Sirius called The Comics Mind, and hed been talking to me about doing it. I couldnt fucking breathe. Im on the back porch of the church, eating my little sandwich, six years old, drinking my Kool-Aid. Lets do a big shot of tequila, you snort some cocaine off my dick and fuck me right up the butt. And they march off to the bathroom and do exactly that, exactly then, and the reason they can is theres not a woman there to go, Well, thats morally wrong and bathrooms arent near clean enough to butt-fuck in. Oh, they beg to differ. Young Queen Charlotte's marriage to King George of England sparks an epic love story and transforms high society in this "Bridgerton" universe prequel. Lets do a couple of blocks. that does it for me tonight, thanks for spending part of your saturday with us. Get a dress the size of a fucking barn and come on back to the Golden Corral. [mooing] They call it Golden Corral, of course, because somebody was already using the name Ye Olde Fat Fuckery.
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